Homesick

I am homesick.
I am homesick for the ocean.
I am homesick for the mountains.
I am homesick for the smell of moss, wet earth and towering Douglas Fir trees.
I am homesick for special people.
And a large part of me is homesick for what was.

It seems idyllic until I really stop to think about how missing past relationships and life-places has stunted my current growth. Sometimes, what you miss doesn't exist any more. It is what was that you are really longing for. The place each relationship held in your life and heart; what they meant to you when you were close to them.
Is it fair to miss those times? Yes. Is it fair to let them trip you up? No.
You can not drive forward while looking into your rearview mirror.

There is some missing that I am doing that is not fair. Not fair to me. Not fair to the persons involved.
"Sometimes, it is not the person you miss, but the feelings and moments you had when you were with them." I don't know whom the quote is credited but I thank my dear friend for sending it to me. It helped me clarify what I was really missing. I am missing some feelings and moments. Some very precious, special, life changing and defining moments.

I miss them and need to let that be it.
No more longing for what was. What was happened, exactly when it needed to. No good comes from forcing it into my future and trying to repeat it. I need to value it, even cherish it, but also, let it go. Those places, times, people made me who I am now. They will even propel me into my future. If. If I let them stay right where they were.

I am homesick.
But I am also home. That really is...well, that is just so darn cool.



"And if you don't know what to make of this, then we will not relate."
A Pretty Song to Convey