Hope for this Pessimist

I have been reflecting a lot these last few weeks. I am doing a Bible study that has opened my eyes a bit more to who I am, who I have been. The constructive thinking it provoked has lead me to some "conclusions."

I hate to admit it but I am secretly a pessimist. I think of the negative first, I worry about so many things I can not change. I am afraid, often. I was not always like this; at least I don't think I was. The only person who would really know, who has seen me through the last 7 years on a daily basis would be Matthew. Which brings me to the point of this post...

Matthew Alan, you are the most incredible man. 

I think back on all that we have been through together.

It has been...busy. I can't help but want to say, "I'm sorry." I was a broken woman for so many of those years. I still am. Even if no one else knew it, you did. You were there daily. You loved me daily. You encouraged me that life would be okay. You heard my negative thoughts and worries (over and over again) but always challenged me to think of the brighter side. Often you reminded me that a brighter side still existed. You held me when I cried, fought with me when I needed a good argument and lived out your love for me through everything. 

We are a messy pair, you & I. Yet you should know that you are the most important & valuable person in my life. You are my strength, comfort and leader. 

You are my biggest blessing. 

Thank you for being stubborn because that same stubbornness challenged my shadows, the quiet consuming whispers. 

Thank you for always dreaming big, having hope, looking forward to the future and including me in it. Thank you for sharing in the joys. We both know who and what they are. 

Thank you for working on us in good and bad; not running away, not hiding. Thank you for sharing hurt and disappointment with me. We are stronger because of the struggle. 

7 years together, 6 years of marriage.  It feels like a lifetime and a week all at once.

I love you Matthew. 

Happy Anniversary (and a half)  to the best gift God has given me. (aka: YOU! Wink face.)