Talk about Trust

Is anyone else having a SUPER hard time trusting lately?

Even if it is just me... this is rough. If you ask my husband he will tell you that I like to know why people do, feel & say the things they do. What is the cause? & I guess at it constantly. I am usually not self-aware enough to know when I am going through something let alone question why it is I am feeling/doing certain things. But this "trust issue" is an exception.

Trust: an action that leads you into a place of peace, hope & security that is real, true & lasting. It is not based on gimmick or mirage but upon a sturdy foundation that is reliable in it's integrity & ability to provide for all your needs. (That is my definition, so take that Webster).

I would first like to blame it on Time. Oh you heard me right. Gosh darn Time has been hanging out with me these past few weeks at an alarming rate. There is no escaping it! Constantly giving me opportunity to think, think, think, think. What a jerk! I suppose though that Time is not the only culprit; Control has played its part quite well. Except Control has done the opposite of Time and made it's self scarce. Not cool Control. For those who don't know me well; Control & I  have been going steady for quite a while. Since I became a big sister at the appropriate age of 1 year & 2 weeks, in fact. It was my way or the "boss-your-ear-off-til-I-get-my-way" highway. My mother has home video tapes to prove it! (I would like to point out that I am ashamed of that outrageously bossy girl in the tapes). None the less, the fact that I have been abandoned by Control is very inconvenient given I am in a new place & would very much like to feel secure. Control almost always brings his friend Illusion with him. Illusion is pretty awesome at making you "feel" many things, like security. But as we all know "feelings" are always real but not always accurate; they often lead us to the wrong conclusions.

Add in Life and you have yourself a triple threat of Olympic proportions!
(I know better then to have to explain Life to you. You probably wish, like me, to have a little less of Life's generous gifts of bills, worries, car trouble, sickness, stress, and the not-so-occasional bump or bruise.)

The trouble with all of the above is that you never have to seek them out. They find you like a bloodhound finds a, a... a whatever a bloodhound finds. Or maybe like a angry girl finds chocolate. Or a hurt baby finds his momma. You get the idea. Time, Control & Life never miss an opportunity to give you a good ol' slap in the face. So kind.

But Trust is another story. Imagine a little baby kitten, with its little kitten paws, crazy kitten fur & little "mew" first meeting you. Skittish is probably an adjective you would use. Little baby kitten needs a bit of coaxing, maybe a lot of coaxing. In fact little "mew" crazy fur kitten may need you to go pick it up, maybe even chase it first before it gets all cozy with you. (I don't care who you are...you can't help loving a little baby kitten when it is cuddling up next to your cheek purring little purrs.)
Trust is like a little skittish baby kitten. You have to do some Work to get it to stick around you.
Gosh darn it...I didn't mean to. I promise I didn't. Work slipped into this accidental party we are having. There is literally no excuse for Work. You do it or don't but wow can you see the results either way.

What kind of Work is involved getting Trust to hang around you? Well let me tell you...

1. Daily perspective has to be a priority. Perspective is the art of outlook. Looking at a situation while taking in all the different aspects individually and as a whole. Basically what it does is allow you to stop focusing on one thing and forces you to view the whole. Most of the time, that is all you really need to get back in the good with Trust. Those little details on their own are not as important when combined with the the whole as when you are looking at them under a microscope.
2. Stay away from self-reliance. The moment that you think you can do it on your own, ooh baby you better watch yourself cause you are in for it! We are made to need each other. Lift each others burdens and keep each other away from focusing on only one detail. Being with people allows for a natural perspective change. When was the last time you were going though it rough when you heard of a friend of a friend who had it way worse? What happened? I know what I did, I snapped right out of my funk thinking, "my stuff is not that bad."
3. Be careful to avoid comparison. An easy trap to fall into when you are wanting to feel better about your life but trust me, bittersweet is all you will meet. Followed close by resentment, the inability to be satisfied and finally anger. We have all seen those angry old man who permanently have their anger etched into their forhead. You know, that guy. Don't be that guy/girl. You loose more then just the cute face in the mirror. You loose your close friends, hope & peace.

Number 4 is the most important one for me. I don't know you but my bet would be that number 4 could be your most important to...that is if you really are seeking trust.

4. You have to surrender your worries, fears, hurts & control. You have to let down your guard and seek out someone that is really in control. You see the truth is... Trust is impossible. Who was the last person that you "trusted"? How did it go? Ya, um, imagine a gorgeous priceless vase shattering on the ground in a million pieces because it accidentally fell out of the hands of the person you gave it to. Now imagine that person did not drop it but threw it, on purpose. Ya, that is what people do with our trust. On accident or purpose no person will ever be blameless. So placing our trust in people will endlessly fail. BUT there is hope. Oh so much wonderful hope. It comes in the way of a divinity that no one will ever fully understand but offers the only reliable foundation able to bring me peace, hope & security that is real, true & lasting. (Cliff hanger!!)
I find my trust in the only one who has the ability to keep me safe. God. He never fails. He is good always. He loves always. And he promises good things for me. It sounds cheesy but I really don't care. Just writing those things about him brought me joy & hope. I just had to pause writing to talk to my husband about our severe lack of money and what we will do. But I still have hope that it will be ok. Not for any other reason then God is good & he loves me. Life is a jerk. It is hard and cruel. But God is always near. He hears me fuss about mistakes that I choose to make & their consequences; he still comforts me, even in my guilt. He is bigger then the bills I owe, the sorrows that I feel, and the person I am. He is greater then my proudest moment, my love for my husband & sons and biggest success. He is the creator of stars, galaxies, fish, ducks, grass and people. And for some crazy reason that I will never understand he wants me. He cares about the $5.00 in my wallet and the sorrow that fills my soul. He cares so much that he wants more for me then who I am now but loves me right where I am. Ya, I think anyone who is willing to do that is worthy of any & all of my trust.

Pshhh, worries don't stand a chance when I throw my untrusting heart at his feet. This last few weeks has been hard. I honestly don't expect it to get any easier, at least the things around me will not change. But what I do expect is to grow in trust. I will do good for an hour then spend the rest of the day internally battling if it will be ok. I will have epic moments of confidence that will buckle when I get another bill in the mail. But as long as I surrender...if I can just surrender. I will surrender all. Because the reward so outweighs the sacrifice. Time is but a concept created. Control has nothing on Peace. And Life bends under the pressure of The One who created it.


A man with leprosy came & knelt in front of Jesus, begging to be healed. "If you want to, you can make me well again," he said.
Moved with compassion, Jesus touched him. "I want to," he said. "Be healed." Instantly the man was healed. (Mark 1:40-42)